REVIVE
Hi peeps!
I am back, to revive my somewhat dead blog. Apparently, it was last year since I posted here. So I don't really expect anyone to follow this anymore. So let's just say I am keeping this for my own reading a few years down the road, and perhaps laugh at how stupid I used to be. Well, people do grow wiser everyday right??
Well.... Just a little update.
Partied at Jason's house for New Year. Did nothing for CNY. Took up a job at Cheers and quitted. And now doing low-paying jobs for the fun of it.
Anyway, I realised everytime I travel home with Yuh Chyi, I always learn something about myself. Some I didn't know and some I already did.
Yeah, I do know I am insecure. But I like things to be perfect. Not exactly a perfectionist.... but close. So, when people start making comments and opinions about me and things I do, I get uneasy. But that's just the way I am... Although I started to learn from experiences in life that sometimes, you just need to ignore people that don't matter. And I am really starting to do that more now. I just like things to go as planned and when it doesn't, I get annoyed and uncomfortable. If that's being insecure, then I am.
Talking about people who matter.
I just came back from campfire in HC. I always thought that people staring into blank spaces and thinking about the past only happens in movies until I actually did it. And boy was I surprised.
So after that thought process, I just decided to do something that I should have done 2 years ago, that is to keep those close friends close to you and don't give a shit, to people who don't make an effort to stay. Honestly, I should have been over this long ago but I am not. Yes, there are too many things that can remind of people who have left my life either willingly or unwillingly. Yet, it always hurt when I am reminded of them and it doesn't help when you are insecure and when you don't know who is the next one to leave you. Because life is too unpredictable and you never know what tomorrow is going to bring, someone close to you might leave you for no rhyme or reason. When that happens, it's going to hurt. Although we will move on, that someone would have left a permanent mark in you such that when you are reminded of them, you will always feel hurt in some way.
It's not going to be easy, but I will try. I adapt to things fast anyway, so I doubt it will last too long.
As for our class gathering today, I would say it was pretty okay? I don't know, this is just not a group of people I will click with. Not my style of friends if I have to put it. And honestly, I don't even know what type of friends I have. Perhaps Yuh Chyi is right, I just didn't give them a 'chance'. But oh well, I won't see them much in the future until... 2 March 2012... Okay, let's leave that to another day. Hopefully, that day will never come.
Perhaps I am too insecure, that's why I get emotional all the time. But when you think too much, that's what happens. And when you're alone a lot, that's when you think too much.... So yeah....
Or perhaps, those who judge me just don't know me well enough. I do hold back stuff about myself and my family. There are certain things I don't tell everyone, but that's because I have been backstabbed before. It's harder to trust when you have been.
Do you really think you know me just beacuse you see things from your point of view? Do you know why I am who I am? Do you even know me at all in the first place? So before you do, let's stop making comments about me. Thank you very much.
Keep judging and you will never understand the truth. Because you think you have it, but you never did.
That's all for today,
See Ya
