Just came back from training, feeling shagged and disappointed.
It has come to the point whereby every possession is critical and there is not much room for mistakes. Desire to fight and play needs to be evident in every move you make. And damn it, I am not doing myself any good by screwing up so often.
Following my disgusting offensive play, coach subbed me out for others to take my position. I know it was best for the team but you can't blame me for wanting to beat the shit out of myself could you? Yeah, and then Yin Hong came in to take my position.
Matt, isn't that what you wanted? I know you dont REALLY mean for me to get out of line 1, but I do sense some truth in what you say. I know we have no chemistry and you don't trust me to do anything right. But we've only started playing together for less than one month and without even really trusting me, how the heck are we supposed to gain chemistry. When half the time I am open yet you choose to force it into the center, it really shows how much faith you have in me as your teammate and as your forward pair. (I don't really have to worry much since you dont read blogs anyway.) I really don't mind playing a lesser role and just be a role player, the one behind the scenes, whatever you call it. I did my best to adapt but the least you can do is to at least try and help me with it?
I know, I am not good enough and I was not up to form. I would work on it, because, it sucks when you know that anyone on the team can just strike you off from line 1 and take your place. I know I don't show it when you keep saying that you rather I not be your forward pair, but hey, I have my emotions too. It doesn't help either when half the team is actually niao-ing you about things that don't exist. Screw it, I know I am joker and I like having fun, but there comes a time when you have the draw the line.
Replaceable and worthless. That's exactly how I feel after today. Yet at the same time, I've to keep doing my job as an Exco trying to maintain the team's harmony, not easy when you're already feeling like shit.
No I am not shifting blame from myself. I am just ranting. Yes I would train harder and keep working on the flaws I have. But lacking the drive and someone to tell you that he gives a damn about how you're feeling during training is really killing me. I am human, I have my emotions too. I can't act like I am all happy yet trying to bring the team together for one memorable run.
Screw it, nothing's working right for me now.
When the feeling that someone just kicked you from the back and kept you down engulfs you. Feeling worthless and replaceable, yet no one that made you feel this way knows.
Maintaing the harmony of this team. Easier said than done.
That's all for today, See Ya.
I'm still breathing;
8:44 PM
Welcome To My Life.
Guy.
171.5cm.
Greenwoodian of 1I and 2A to 6A ' 00-05.
I was a CHS 'gentleman' of 1-4,2-4,3-9 and 4-9' 06-09.
I am now a HC-ian of 10S74 and OG34.
I am in HC Floorball <3 .
Addicted.♥
Dancing.
Basketball.
Floorball.
Friends.
Sleeping.
Originality.
Being Direct.
