Sorry for not blogging so long, I was studying for Blocks, which was a total disaster. And that is an understatement.
Thankfully, the results for blocks are not out yet so I can kid myself that I might have did okay when I know I didn't. If you are asking me like how bad my results are, I would say last in class. Have an idea now? :/
Life sucks.
Even basketball after that wasn't any better ._. I was like missing everything yesterday when I was playing -____- The only thing that turned out well was just playing through the night, though it wasn't basketball.
HAIZ.
Training's tomorrow. Hopefully I won't be off form and I won't be screwing up left and right again. I think I will lose it if I get subbed out again :/
As A div approaches, every training needs to be more intense than ever and our moment of truth is coming closer. 25th April is our first match. I am a little excited, nervous and yet, sad as we draw within a month of A divs.
Excited? I am finally going to play as a field player for the first time in A div and able to contribute a lot more in terms of energy and maybe A LITTLE BIT of skills.
Nervous? I am afraid I won't play well. It's our last year and I hope we can make the semis.
Sad? Once our A div is over, we will be left with only a few trainings left to be together as team that we have stood together since Jan. Keeps me wondering what I would be doing after A divs. After school that is. :/
SIANZ, Pax just gave me our groupings. It doesn't seem very favourable. At least at first glance. Hopefully when we play a few of them, it would be. :/
In case you didn't know, I am extremely competitive. I hate to lose. I fight to win.
On the biggest stage, when the spotlight turns on, we need to put our game face on. We will send a statement to every team we play and fear into our opponents. Because, we came too far and pushed too hard to lose.
That's all for today, See Ya~
I'm still breathing;
10:39 PM
Friday, March 18, 2011
18/3/2011
Replaceable and Worthless
Hi peeps!
Just came back from training, feeling shagged and disappointed.
It has come to the point whereby every possession is critical and there is not much room for mistakes. Desire to fight and play needs to be evident in every move you make. And damn it, I am not doing myself any good by screwing up so often.
Following my disgusting offensive play, coach subbed me out for others to take my position. I know it was best for the team but you can't blame me for wanting to beat the shit out of myself could you? Yeah, and then Yin Hong came in to take my position.
Matt, isn't that what you wanted? I know you dont REALLY mean for me to get out of line 1, but I do sense some truth in what you say. I know we have no chemistry and you don't trust me to do anything right. But we've only started playing together for less than one month and without even really trusting me, how the heck are we supposed to gain chemistry. When half the time I am open yet you choose to force it into the center, it really shows how much faith you have in me as your teammate and as your forward pair. (I don't really have to worry much since you dont read blogs anyway.) I really don't mind playing a lesser role and just be a role player, the one behind the scenes, whatever you call it. I did my best to adapt but the least you can do is to at least try and help me with it?
I know, I am not good enough and I was not up to form. I would work on it, because, it sucks when you know that anyone on the team can just strike you off from line 1 and take your place. I know I don't show it when you keep saying that you rather I not be your forward pair, but hey, I have my emotions too. It doesn't help either when half the team is actually niao-ing you about things that don't exist. Screw it, I know I am joker and I like having fun, but there comes a time when you have the draw the line.
Replaceable and worthless. That's exactly how I feel after today. Yet at the same time, I've to keep doing my job as an Exco trying to maintain the team's harmony, not easy when you're already feeling like shit.
No I am not shifting blame from myself. I am just ranting. Yes I would train harder and keep working on the flaws I have. But lacking the drive and someone to tell you that he gives a damn about how you're feeling during training is really killing me. I am human, I have my emotions too. I can't act like I am all happy yet trying to bring the team together for one memorable run.
Screw it, nothing's working right for me now.
When the feeling that someone just kicked you from the back and kept you down engulfs you. Feeling worthless and replaceable, yet no one that made you feel this way knows.
Maintaing the harmony of this team. Easier said than done.
That's all for today, See Ya.
I'm still breathing;
8:44 PM
Monday, March 14, 2011
14/3/2011
Slowing down, can be good
sometimes
Hi peeps!
I am supposed to be studying for Blocks and everything but somehow, after watching a video on TED, it made me want to blog. Not that it was telling me to like reflect or something, but somehow, the points the speaker brought up was, pretty relevant in everyone's daily lives.
I can sum that video up in two words: Slow Down.
I pride myself in being fast in running in my CCA. And also to maintain that speed over a long stretch of time. Basically, I love speed, I like doing things quickly and I rush through things a lot. Although it's ridiculous to suggest for me to actually take a walk in the park and pick up a rose to smell it, but somehow I sort of get what the person was talking about. It's about quality of the work given, not the quantity.
We get caught up with life so much that sometimes, we do things a little too fast for our own good. We rush through tutorials to meet deadlines, we rush through our food so as to have more time to do something. Basically, speed is really part of our lives, and that would mean everyone, like really EVERYONE. ( Especially you TF :O)
The consequences as he put it, are that, the stuff we do, tends to be more of less quality. Our inter-personal relationships tends to be less deep and we tend to end up abit more unproductive that we could be. Sometimes, we should really just spend time doing, nothing. Our lives dont really call for such practice of slow-ness, but I do feel that it really does more good than harm should we put it in practice. Don't believe me? Look at the number of people who are falling sick in HC. Our health has deteoriated with our 'speed living'.
Of course, I am not going to use this as an excuse to not study for Blocks (though I DID LOVE TO) but I think everyone could just apply it. Like, you know, spend more time understanding the stuff being taught rather than just, you know memorising and understand and go, touch-and-go to make it short. I am not the kind of mugger students so I most probably would fail trying this out. Haha.
In any case, I truly believe that leading it slowly usually allows us to appreciate stuff around us better. Thus, a better quality life. (:
I have wasted enough time here (How hypocritical :P ) and I need to get back to mugging bio. HAHA.
Looking closely, no one's rushing us. We are the one rushing ourselves. Instead of putting every minute to efficient use, why not try putting every minute to good use. (:
Alright, I have really blogged enough, HAHA, That's all for today, See Ya~
I'm still breathing;
8:06 PM
Saturday, March 12, 2011
12/3/2011
Close My Eyes
Hi peeps!
Can someone please save me? D: How am I supposed to study for Block Test 1 when I feel like going to sleep the ENTIRE DAY?!
I went to see a doctor yesterday and apparently he says it's some throat infection. Then he gave me a cough syrup that causes drowsiness. And I supposed to eat that 3 times a day. So every six hours, I feel like going to sleep a little more. ._. Thanks a lot Lee Medical Clinic ._.
Kill me. ._.
Apparently Jonathan's birthday party has been cancelled because a lot of people couldnt make it. I am supposed to feel sad about this but somehow I am feeling relief >.< Maybe because I needed more rest? Or rather more sleep -.-
It's not like I don't have the motivation to mug or something, because I really do. Apparently, there's some rule in HC that you have to meet promotional criteria or else you would be suspended from CCA. So I will (*TOUCH WOOD*) kiss my A'Div goodbye should I not meet it. All that's left is doing it.
HAIZ.
And the coughing has not stop.
A Div is approaching and yet the guys team doesn't seem to know it, still being sloppy during training. HAIZ. How to instill discipline when I can't be totally disciplined all the time? ._. Kenneth, save us. Please.
Talking about floorball, CHS Floorball won B Div Finals <3 HAHAHA. It was nice to watch it live :D
Oh shucks, writer's block ._.
Maybe I should just stop blogging and start mugging now. ._. Darn it, I shall do that, at most fall asleep while reading.
When it's so hard to focus on the goal ahead, you just have to fight and push yourself a little darn closer to it, so that you see it a little clearer.
Alright, that's all for today, See Ya!~
I'm still breathing;
11:17 PM
Thursday, March 3, 2011
3/3/2011
Feeling of nothing-ness
Hi peeps! (:
Ever felt like you dont feel anything at all? I dont know, that's basically how I feel. Like, not really happy, nor really sad. I am sort of taking things one day at a time. Not that I would not like to planned ahead and do stuff ahead of time, but somehow, I just dont have the feeling to do so.
With our first friendly coming up, our coach has promised us a game of dominance and suprise on our side. In his words, "When we play, we whack the living shit out of them" Heh. Feels good to know that the system you're in is great and confidence is building up. While our first friendly comes, it also means that some of them are going to say goodbye. Although some entered the team late, but I've to say, we have come together as a group, to play floorball. Not as individuals, but as a team. You know there's always 19 other people with the same goal as you, wanting to win.
I should really do a note for them before our team gets split up. Alright, I will do it tomorrow. I am kind of sleepy now :/
Aye, kind of worried for my bio now. I'm sorry but the teacher I have now just doesn't bring confidence. Maybe I should try to turn to Mrs Cheng for consults again. At least, she was productive. ._.
A levels seem so far ahead. Even A divs seem that way to me. I know I would come back to this blog and regret saying it, but hey, I really feel that way.
Maybe the reason why I am feeling nothing is because I am tired? :O
I've to admit, I am not the best person when it comes to time management. Neither am I the best friend someone could ever have because of it. But I do try my best to maintain all the friendships that are important to me and not disappoint anyone. It's not easy huh? I'm not saying I've like tons of friends, but I'm like saying, I don't know how to prioritise them. But I do know this, I always have people to fall back on and people to talk to if I ever need a listening ear. At least most of the time. Because of that, I always want to be there for everyone of my friends, but I have hardly been successful huh?
Anyways, thanks Wei Xian for always picking up my calls and helping/accompanying me to do a lot of shit. I should really tell you to read this blog JUST for this post. HAHAHA.
Okay okay, I better not go on before I go emotional again. Sheesh.
Tomorrow is a crap day. I think I shall pack my bag and sleep for now.
TF TF TF TF TF TF, let you see your name until you happy. HAHA. You are always so tired recently, can you please catch some rest soon? I don't want to see you sleeping while standing up ok? Dangerous stuff. You're made of amino acids, not metal so ya, GET SOME REST, don't make me worry. (:
Lamb, cheer up, I dont know what happen to you luh, you always so secretive one ._. Jiayou with your CCA, you will do fine trust me (: You pro enuf. HAHA.
You won't always be successful. But if you're afraid to fail, you don't deserve to successful.
Alright, this turned out to be a pretty long post :O Haha, that's all for today, See Ya
I'm still breathing;
11:03 PM
Welcome To My Life.
Guy.
171.5cm.
Greenwoodian of 1I and 2A to 6A ' 00-05.
I was a CHS 'gentleman' of 1-4,2-4,3-9 and 4-9' 06-09.
I am now a HC-ian of 10S74 and OG34.
I am in HC Floorball <3 .
Addicted.♥
Dancing.
Basketball.
Floorball.
Friends.
Sleeping.
Originality.
Being Direct.
