Life is like a roller coaster. Just hold on tight when it's going down.

Saturday, April 10, 2010

10/04/2010

~ Once Again ~

Hello people!

It's Saturday today! By theory, it should be resting day. However, there was floorball training. It's getting harder and tougher each training but I am not giving up yet. Not when 'A' Div Nationals are so close.

Friendly with BLAST team today. ( Some damn pro team from outside. Team of our coach.) We lost miserably. 10-2 was the final score. Well, I know I shouldnt put it on myself but I felt that way for some reason. I felt like, if I was better, perhaps it would be a lot better and we could have higher chances of winning. Despite the encouragement from the team and the recognition from Caleb during debrief, I still felt missing somewhere, like I know the theory of everything but I can't seem to apply it D: Well, I have decided to go for Nationals as a goalkeeper instead of player-reserved keeper. Mostly for the convenience and the best for the team. However, also, I won't get to play much as a player anyway. So I shall convert to outfield player only after the Nationals. When we select a proper goalkeeper after it, I shall full time train myself and help the new keeper. :]

After that, I rushed home to bathe and change for 黄城夜韵 2010. It was pretty entertaining and touching. But too bad, I still didn't tear. Perhaps its just hard for me to ever cry huh? Haha, I realised I have been on verges of tears before but I have never really cried for a loooooong time. Let's hope it remains that way. :D After the show, we(Yong Liang, Chong We and me) went to find the people we know that were performing or helping the show. As we were waiting for Shien Yang, one of the actors, to appear, I spotted my buddy! Haha, so I chase after her and passed her the flower. Then, we chit-chatted a bit before I found Yong Liang and Chong We again. Then, Kai Rou mommy appeared :D and I passed her her flowers. Then talk more rubbish before she made her way back to backstage to clean up the props and prepare for the nightshow. And some friend of hers suddenly pop out of nowhere and called me. And not by my name, EPIC. Haha, she called me, "You are Kai Rou's friend right?" Like speechless.... First I was Hazel's friend/boyfriend and then, Kai Rou's friend. What next, my buddy? HAHA.

After that we made our way home. Chong We decided to alight earlier to go for a walk so as to release some of his stress and emotions i suppose. Well, not like I can do much about it. After that, I took a seat when Yong Liang alighted. And I fell asleep, like TOTALLY FELL ASLEEP. Woke up way past my station at Chua Chu Kang. -.- Damn embarassing can? Zzz.....

Then, while I was waiting for a bus, I realise the true problem of my emotional turmoils. After I talked to my friends about it, I felt better and I thought I am fine already, but what really happened was just temporary and when I am alone and I start thinking, everything hits me again. Haiz, I hate myself for that. I know I will fail once again if I try again, so I decided to just let the feelings past and just wait for it rekindle again or something, or perhaps I would just be the guardian angel behind the scene kind of thing.

Oh shit, this is bad, I am getting more emo as my blog continues. GAHHHH, school should start soon so that I dont have to keep thinking so much... :/ DAMN IT. I need an accident to clear my memories, to give me a fresh new start.

I need to talk, but I don't feel like talking to anyone. Contradicting feelings. Perhaps I am afraid of disturbing people again, all those insecurity bullshit of mine again. Maybe I am just born paranoid and over-sensitive. Anyway, this reminds me THANK YOU WEI XIAN FOR LETTING ME CALL YOU TO CHAT :] It really helped a lot to hear from you, and it has been a while since we talked before that call. So yea, I miss you good friend (:

YAY, I ended my blogpost with a non-emo ending. HAHA.
Alright, that's all for today,
See ya~

I'm still breathing;
11:10 PM